Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Do i have bipolar disorder?
hi, i'm 18 years old i have 2 brothers and both a mother and a father. when i was around 13 years old i was diagnosed with bipolarism when i was about 14 years old. the reason i was diagnosed was anytime i was around my brothers, family or people i didnt know i acted quiet and embared when really with anyone i the least bit of a relationship with(like being in the same cl as someone in school) and i was extremley neglectful to my parents. i would never curse scream or say anything like that to them i simly just didnt talk to them and was embared to open up to them. after about 2 years i was "undiagnosed" with bipolarism and i was taken off my medicine which i cannot remember the name of. when i was 16 and 17 me and my family were fine. yes i still did have some of my bipolar traits but there were extremley toned down to what they were like when i was was bipolar. now i am 18 years old and as of i would say sepetmber right when school started i drastically changed. now i legitamitley cannot hold a conversation with my parents. its almost as if i feel embared to be with/talk to or ociate myself with them. anytime i have any sort of "parent son" conversation i have zero ability to controll myself. i will answer in one word, mive attitude, sarcasum and i have no thoughts at all to let them no about anything in my life. i feel the only reason i talk to them is because they feed me, pay for ****/college and give me a home. now my parents are fine, perfect everything you can ask for parents. i almost feel like when i look at myself having a conversation with my parents i feel as if im in a movie and i look like a dumb typical family having dumb typical conversation. basically i do all i can to make my parents feel like **** so maybe they will stop talking so it wont feel like those "movie typical" parents. even when i get great news i have zero need to tell my parents. i studied (dont ask how it was horrible) with my mom(first time in years) for a big social studies test. get my grade back i got a b+ so yea wouldt i be jumping for joy to tell my parents about how i did let alone my mom who was the reason i passed? no i didnt and when they asked about it i would give them an attitude saying like "no mom we didnt get the test back" in a very pissed of **** youesque tone as if i just want them to leave. i have this friend who happens to be a girl. we are just friend and latley we hang out alot, shes slept over my house hanged at my house the usual things kids will do at there house. now both of my parents think were basically in a relationship. i do not have the to have that "movie typical" conversation telling them were simply friends and "arent like that" but my mom continues to be a tool mother and talk to this girl as if we are together, hugging her when they see eachother saying "mike be nice or ill show her your baby pictures". tons of bull **** like that and it ****** pisses me off. basically anything and i mean anything no matter if there buying me **** i have an attitude a massive attitude towards them and i am extremley seperated from them. also i sort of hate my dad, he is not like me at all hes a douche bag dull and has zero ability make me laugh and is very about anything thats untypical of his own queens new york life style as a child. ya no all thats normal is playing sports going to school and eating. so yes i am finally done now but i also think you may want to know if you've actually read this i have some learning problems. i like to think of myself as a smart kid, i read on my own, i can have intelectual conversations, i belive i can erad people extremley well and i also feel i have a decent grasp on how the world i live in works but i am dumb as a brick. i have no ability to pay attention or study, the only reason i passed highschool is because my mother is a typical jewish mother and if i got anything lower then a c my mom would ***** to the teachers enough as long as i did my hw and came to a few extra helps i would at least get a C. but now im in college and as im sure you no and yes i new this to trust me it doesnt work that way. i got basically c's in all my classes this year except pychlogy which i failed. i wanted to be a pychologist. the other classes i cheated on which bossted my gpa a bit but i canot cheat anymore. oh also i almsot forgot. as of this summer i used to cut my wrists due to me sucking at life so much, i stopped on my own, no one knows about it except that girl i was talking about before and i am also bulemic. i am very self concious of the way i look because i havent had much sucess with the females. no im not a great looking kid but i am definitly not bad looking. im very friendly easy to talk to and i've talked to girls before ive just never had any sucess just a few random hook ups. i most likley forgot something so i will add it in the "added notes" or what ever its called once i get a few replys back
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment